Why You Should Encourage Self Play Activities for Your Child

Here are the top 3 ways to encourage your child to enjoy their own company while self-soothing through self play activities.

Okay, so you read the title and think I’m clueless when it comes to the enormous demands of child-rearing or perhaps think I’m just a lazy new dad trying to cop out of my responsibilities. Hold on, Karen. I’m not proposing you leave your kid alone and go off to play 18-holes, but I am suggesting that part of being a great dad is allowing your child to have self play time where he can have some independence and learn to negotiate blocks of time by himself in a safe, fun way.

As new dads, we are under constant pressure to ensure our kids are constantly busy and active. Whether it’s baby classes on massage or stimulation techniques or toddler Soccer leagues, our schedules can start to look like a game of Tetris as we rush from one activity to the next. The truth is kids, just like their parents, need active time, but they also need ‘time out’ for themselves. This is where self play comes into the picture!

So how do you teach your baby or toddler to be independent, self-sufficient, and enjoy self play? By allowing them a safe space and dedicated time to play alone with established self play activities.

Here are some tips that work for us to encourage self play. They may just work for you too.

#1: Create safe spaces for self play

“Alone-time” (self play) doesn’t mean letting your child’s inner diva run free unsupervised. Create a guided and safe environment for them to self play. Every morning when my son, Hudson, wakes up, we don’t rush to his room. Instead, we get to sleep in and allow him to decide when he needs us. We know he is safe in his crib, and we have a video monitor with extensive sound settings, and we’ll be instantly alerted if he needs us.

Hudson typically spends this time talking with his ‘friends’, his stuffed bear (aka Teddy), and his stuffed dog (aka Woof Woof). It’s a ‘win’-win,’ giving us folks some time to get ready for the day and be present when Hudson does call out for us to come to get him for his morning repeat of “Go Dog Go.”

#2: Develop self play techniques early on.

Self play and healthy “me-time” don’t just happen on their own. Dropping your kid in the playpen without any warning and walking off to grab a drink will not go down well with your little one. Creating more opportunities for “alone-time” (self play) will allow your child to warm up to the idea.

We started early on with Hudson. Every time he has a tantrum (which with toddlers usually starts as a whine and quickly evolves into a full-blown meltdown in about 20 seconds), we quickly pick him up, or if he is too worked up, we sit next to him and sing him a song. The monotone tune calms him down and triggers him to relax. We then are able to re-direct him to a new activity that he can do on his own (self-play) without intervention from us allowing him to feel independent and relaxed.

We feel this process teaches him about his emotions and offers him ways to not only deal with them in heightened states but also what can do afterward (self play activities) that are still relaxing but engaging for him to have his alone time.

#3: Make self play fun.

Many first-time dads may feel the urge to protect their children, and leaving them alone in the morning or at night may play on your guilt. Reframe self play as a fun time for your child and allow them to model you enjoying your own me-time. Find out more about how I schedule me-time here.

Self play is more about allowing your child to explore their interests. Show them some ideas like constructing a giant tower out of lego or hosting a teddy bear picnic and then walk off while they try it out themselves. Hudson loves art, so we equip him with some washable markers and paints (always check the label) and some paper and he is good to go for a while.

Encouraging your child to enjoy their own company with self play activities is good for your little one and good for dad (and mom). So throw the guilt in the trash and enjoy watching your kid hang out on his own a bit. It won’t make you a bad dad; it’ll make you a great one.